I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
