so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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