you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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