I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
