All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
