she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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