we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
