We're facebook friends in real life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
