I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
