I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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