i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
