Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
