In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
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