toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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