i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
