life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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