everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
