i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
how does that bad decision feel?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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