I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
