i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
