Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
