I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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