Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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