I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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