It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I could make wine with my vomit
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
