i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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