some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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