I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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