She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
3pm strippers are depressing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
