dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
