You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
