So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
