i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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