the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
