she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
sex in a hospital.. check
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
