Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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