does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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