So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
