yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
