yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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