Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
