I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
