True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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