yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
