How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
