you would pick up someone in the library
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
