fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
