Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
