I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
