1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
