I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
